I’m gonna rant for a bit, if you don’t want to read it, I completely understand.
Lately three things keep popping up in front of me, one is the everlasting debate on weight, second is body image and third is women putting women down.
“There will always be reasons why people won’t love you. Don’t let them be the deciding factor for how you LOVE YOURSELF.” – Alex Elle
I’m a big girl, some might even say obese. I don’t make excuses to anyone for the way I look, I’m healthy, I eat healthy (mostly, you’ll have to excuse the Kitkat addiction) and I’m active (I go for for walks and I swim), and try as I might the weight won’t come off. I’ve had a condition since I was 16 that didn’t get properly diagnosed until I was 21, by then I had gained about a 100+ very unwanted pounds and had been trying a thousand ways to lose it. Some were very unhealthy, which included at a three month water diet which was insane of me I needed a gastroenterologist to convince my stomach I would never do that to it again and it could stop rebelling.
All that being said I can never seem to convince anyone that I don’t have a secret stash of junk food I tuck into at 3 am and sit around on the couch all day, I don’t even keep sodas, cookies or chips in my apartment to avoid temptation.
On my last doctors visit my blood pressure was a little elevated as it has been for my last three visits, when I refused blood pressure meds, he proceeded to lay into me about my weight. I was a bit shocked, since he already knows the reason for my weight gain. I understood the intent but by the time I left his office my self esteem had taken a 70% dip. My mind kept going round in circles on how I could lose weight when the cure for what ails me is worse than the weight I have on. Then I flashed back to being 20 years old sitting in a another doctors office being prescribed medication to dry up excess fluids and mucus in your stomach and when you took them it felt like your stomach was a draw string bag and someone was trying to pull it tightly closed and realizing how much you’ve damaged your body. And I got so angry at allowing anyone to made me feel like that.
Even my mother (who I love dearly) the last time she brought up my weight I admit I lost my temper and let her have it, I told her that sometimes constant criticism can put people in an unhealthy frame of mind, she hasn’t mentioned it since. So I don’t answer question about my weight anymore.
Do I like who I see when I look in the mirror? Now I do, It took me a long time to get to the point that I love me. I had to learn to get to the place where I was comfortable in my own skin and learn to dress to my body shape. You are your worst critic, STOP IT! Here’s an example, I sleep with a satin bonnet on to keep may hair from getting frizzy, sometime during the night it came of. In the morning I thought it a frizzy hot mess and running late there wasn’t much I could do with it. The moment I got to work people kept telling me they loved my hair today….wait ugh? I really like the people I work with but this made me appreciate them even more.
This is me at work today….Hello (ignore the bathroom scenery.)
I’m not going to be holier than thou and tell you I’ve never bad mouthed another woman, what I will say is I’ve seen the damage it did and ever since I’ve TRIED to keep my own counsel when it comes to voicing opinions on how people live their lives whatever form that takes. It’s about time we stopped criticizing each other on the way we look, because it’s no longer affecting just us women.
“Learn to love in a way that does not hurt.” – Healthy, Alex Elle
BARE WITH ME I HAVE A POINT.
Someone asked me a question on instagram that lead me to peeking at her page, she was 13 years old, currently 87lbs and wants to drop 10. She posted her most undesirable body parts alongside what she wanted them to look like. A concave stomach, thigh gap, biceps the same size as her wrists, the lists goes on.
Comments on her pictures lead me to other pages which lead me to realize these girls had formed a community where they all support each other in their effort to lose weight by starving themselves. I felt like I fell down the rabbit hole. These girls were between 12-16 years old and chronicle their weight loss and are proud when they go 2-3 days without eating. They tell each other how to deal with hunger pangs and dizziness, some linked to blogs and forums, some talked about their home life and family’s reaction to their “progress”. I spent about two hours reading them with tears on my face, feeling sick, horrified and incredibly sad.
“One’s character is set at an early age. The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life. I hate to see you swim out so far you can’t swim back.” – Wendelin Van Draanen
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Think before you speak, to or around kids about body image and weight. I’m well aware that there are many other reasons these girls AND boys cut, binge and starve themselves, and to address each one would make this post a mile long. But not all parents strive instill that confidence, self-acceptance, self-worth and pride to make them say i’m perfect the way I am. If you have children, siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, let them know they’re beautiful and you love them just they way they are. IS THAT SO HARD?
“STOP comparing women. We are not the same. Let our differences be the reason why we connect so beautifully.” – Individuality, Alex Elle
We all find ourselves thinking uncharitable thoughts and since everyone holds different standards and definition of beauty, realistically it’s impossible to like the way everyone looks. So look for something else, their personality, their wit, their smile, their passion for their chosen craft, whatever it is compliment it. I never look at something and just because it’s not to my taste say it’s god awful because that person is trying to be the best they can be and who they are does not fit your image.
There are people with plenty of opinions and is always willing to share them, whether you want them to or not. I have no problem with that it’s your opinion, I however hold to the old adage if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD.
What is your definition of beauty?
Thanks for letting me rant!
“We have to start taking care of us so that we can be better daughters, mothers and sisters.” – Alex Elle